Published with permission of the author. A similar piece ran as an Op-Ed in the Rochester Post-Bulletin on August 7, 2021.

“Any man who says he is an American, but something else also, isn’t an American at all. We have room for but one flag, the American flag … We have room for but one language here, and that is the English language … and we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a loyalty to the American people.”
― Theodore Roosevelt, 1907

President Roosevelt was referring to immigrants who may hold some allegiance to their home countries. It applies to those of us who are native-born, too: a nation is not a nation unless it has principles upheld by its citizens, to each other.

Such principles need not cover every aspect of life. We have different likes, dislikes, backgrounds, habits, and beliefs. But at some level we must share an understanding that supports coexistence. Roosevelt laid a good foundation. After that, we need to live and let live.

Not long ago, the Golden Rule was a common understanding: treat others as you would like to be treated. Was that too simple? Does it only work where there’s little or no diversity? Perhaps.

In an environment of diversity, coexistence can become difficult. Mutual respect and tolerance become necessary. It requires everyone to play along.

My father-in-law used to say it is impossible to be fair. At first, I disagreed with him but came to see it his way. No one has the same priorities and perspectives that I do or that you do. My intent to be fair with you could seem unfair to you if our priorities and perspectives are different.

In the middle of the 1800s, many Irish immigrants landed in Boston where they lived in poor conditions. Well-meaning people, appalled by the immigrants’ situation, insisted the government improve things. In 1868, Boston introduced housing reforms. The well-meaning people were proud to have improved immigrant lives. But did they? Surely, some of the tenement residents enjoyed the improvements. On the other hand, one of the top priorities for many Irish immigrants was to save enough money to send to Ireland so relatives could afford to join them. Tenement reform meant higher rent which meant less saving which meant longer waits for reuniting families. Priorities and perspectives. Live and let live.

Freedom means being unrestricted. Some think freedom means being able to do whatever they like. Living totally free would allow me to do anything I want with you. Depending on my nature, that could be unjust in the extreme. Coexistence requires that my freedom ends where yours begins. And vice-versa. Live and let live.

Have you heard of preferred pronouns? Independent of their sex, apparently regardless of anything but their feelings, individuals are expecting us to use he, she, they, xe, or ze when we speak of them. Some people are starting to wear pins with their preferred pronouns; they have email and social media signatures that include them. Is their preference for certain pronouns greater than my preference not to care about their preference? I don’t think so. Live and let live.

There seem to be more and more demands from people, of others, that require a lack of respect for coexistence. Let’s try harder.

—Bruce Kaskubar